Wastin' Away Again

Karen, Nikki, and I did get to talk about the things that didn’t involve olives (although we couldn’t escape them).

Karen wondered who would win if Doug tried to beat up my father.

“My dad, of course.”  I had to be loyal. 

“What would you have done if he had shown up?”

“I don’t know.  Probably let them fight it out.”

“They could have thrown olives at each other.”  We all found this uproariously funny.  It was Friday night and Nikki had found some strawberry margarita mix at the store that she had to try out.

“But I only had the green ones.”

“Well, maybe you could have waived the rule that one time.”

“And green ones are more festive.”

I wasn’t sure about the rule waiving.  “It’s a slippery slope there.  The next thing you know they’ll bring in the unpitted ones, they’ll be throwing pits at each other, and someone will get hurt.”

“It’s all fun and games until someone gets hit in the eye with an olive pit.”

We got a little sober with this, envisioning trips to the emergency room.  Nikki broke the silence.

“If your mother had gotten into a fight with Missy, who would have won?”

That was harder.  “Well, Missy is bigger, but Aunt Pooh told me that my mother was quite a scrapper.”

“The middle child.”

I had to laugh at my mother decking it out with Missy.   But I thought maybe we should be a bit more serious.

“Why do you think they came in separate cars?”

“Maybe Missy was afraid someone would say something.”

“You mean Ed?  He had more issues with his father than with Missy.”

Karen put down her drink and got very serious.  “You know, she screwed over both his mother and father and he doesn’t seem to be mad at her.  What is it about her?”

“I don’t know.  Missy is very sweet and men seem to want to protect her, even at her age.  Except her first husband.  He fooled around.  Oh, and Ed’s dad.  He did, too.”

“She certainly can pick them.”  Karen said, “Not your father, of course.  He’s a catch.”

“For an old guy.”  I thought we should be realistic

“Well, she’s no spring chicken.”

“If they watch the kids of Christmas Eve and they aren’t married, are you going to let them sleep in the guest room?”

“No way, Jose.  If I did, the kids would be wanting to do the same thing.  It’s bad enough thinking they’d be having sex anyway.  But I couldn’t take it in the house.”

Nikki looked thoughtful.  “My mother always said, ‘If you’re going to smoke, do it at home.  If you’re going to drink, do it at home.’  She never said, ‘If you’re going to have sex, do it at home.’”

Karen nodded.  “The only thing creepier than the idea of your parents having sex is the idea of your children having sex.”

We drank to that.