Sunday, October 27, 2013

Boo!


Halloween has always been my favorite holiday.  I loved dressing up and going out at night.  Of course, until I was ten or so, my friends and I all went with a parent. .

Unitarian Christmas just seemed to get lost in a blur of inclusive celebrations – a Hanukah party featuring  pancakes without maple syrup, which we kids threw at each other; a Thanksgiving Seder, with readings from The Mayflower Compact and other Puritan writings instead of Exodus; and a Solstice Ceremony, which my father refused to attend.  There weren’t a lot of males there; afterwards my mother and her Unitarian girlfriends and their daughters would go out to a diner.  The grownups would talk about the Goddess and lament that the church hadn’t attracted any Wiccans.  Usually someone would complain about all the Christmas chores she still had to do, and they would laugh and say, “What are you, a Jesus freak?”  It was fun but a little uncomfortable to see the moms this way, laughing and talking and having a good time.


When my mother was a child, she had lived in a suburb that was really The Country.  There were cornfields on two sides of her house.  She and her friends would go into the fields, pick corn, shell it, and on the nights before Halloween, go out without adults, sneak up to windows of houses, throw the corn, and run away.  (It was animal corn, so it was hard, like the decorative Indian corn you see in stores, although in the summer, when it was soft, she and her friends would eat it.)  The bolder ones would ring the doorbell.  The kids loved this story and would have loved to try it, but fortunately there aren’t any cornfields around.

As usual, the girls had started planning their Halloween costumes in September.  Perhaps because she had been cheated out of a first communion veil, Cilla decided to be a bride.  Betsey couldn’t decide between being a vampire or a zombie until Josh decided that he wanted to be a zombie.  So vampire it was.  It would involve lots of makeup, perhaps because Betsey felt she’d been cheated out of being allowed to wear lipstick for the wedding.
In our town, Trick or Treat night is always the Friday or Saturday before Halloween, so the kids won’t be kept up too late on a school night.  This makes Halloween rather anti-climactic, but I always make a Halloween dinner, which we eat by candlelight; pumpkin soup from the intellectual deli and grilled cheese sandwiches imprinted with a jack-o-lantern. (I got the stamp in a set, with stamps of a smiley face,  Santa, an Easter egg, and a turkey.)  We have tomato juice to drink, since it looks like blood.

Karen asked me if I wanted to come over and try to contact Margaret with a Ouija board.  I said we always watch scary movies together, and why didn’t they come over here.  Maybe it makes me a wuss, but after The Exorcist, which gave me nightmares as a child, I’m afraid of them.  I asked Karen if they were going to have pea soup.
I would have told Karen that it would probably be more worthwhile to say a prayer for Margaret on All Saints’ Day, but I didn’t want to be an obnoxious churchlady.



 

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Post Nuptial Post Mortem

Karen and Nikki came over Sunday afternoon for Part 2 – Discussing the Wedding.  The people at Epiphany had loaded us up with leftovers (telling us to “Come back, now.”) as well as the paper and plastic.  (Somehow this doesn’t sound as elegant as china, silver, and glasses, but I don’t want to give a false impression.)

We all agreed that the wedding had been beautiful, although Karen, who is becoming quite the Methodist thanks to her detective work, thought the chanting was “kind of creepy – no offense.”
I had to agree. “But Kate went High Church because when she was community organizing in the slums, she needed to escape to another world for an hour a week.”

“Well, she certainly did.”

Allison and her family had left in the morning.  “Do you think she’s healed now?”  Nikki asked.

“I sure hope so.”
“You’re nicer than I am.  I wouldn’t give a rat’s as . . .butt.”

“Well, she’s family.  Courtney and Dylan are calling Kate ‘Grandma.’  Maybe back home, they’ll call her ‘Pastor Grandma,’ but that’s not my problem.”

“Speaking of family, your dad seemed to hit it off with Missy.  She started getting all sentimental and telling him how awful she felt about breaking up Janet’s marriage and would she ever forgive her?”
“He must have loved that.”

“Actually, he didn’t seem to mind. He told her she should try to get to Janet through Kate.  He called her ‘the other one.’  Why doesn’t he like Kate?  She’s such a sweetheart.”
“In his mind, there’s got to be something wrong with anyone who would love Janet if they weren’t related to her and had to.  Plus, he thinks clergy are either crazy or hypocrites.”

“What about Unitarian ministers?”

“He thinks they’re bleeding heart liberals and tree huggers with more education then common sense, but they’re interesting to talk to.  Were you eavesdropping?”
“I was at the table next to them, and they’d gotten loud.  Ed’s dad was getting a drink or in the bathroom or something.”

“It’s too bad he wasted his time with Missy,” Nikki said.  “He probably could have gotten some wedding sex with one of the single churchladies.”
“She’d probably have tried to convert him.” 

Cilla picked that time to walk in the kitchen.  “I thought the bride and groom were the ones who had wedding sex.”
I gave her one of the homemade white chocolate macadamia nut cookies.  “Why don’t you take Betsey and Josh cookies, too?  Here, I’ll put everything on a tray for you.  And here are some napkins from the wedding.”

“Can I have two?”
“Of course you can.  Now run along.”

Karen and Nikki were trying not to laugh.  “You missed a teachable moment there.  Does she understand about Janet and Kate?”
“She has a new grandmother and she got to be a flower girl and that’s good enough for her.  Anyway, one of her friends has two dads.”

“And she got two cookies.” 
That would work for me.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Beautiful!


The wedding was beautiful.  The weather was beautiful.  The church was beautiful.  The Parish Hall was beautiful.  The brides were beautiful.  The bridesmaids and flower girl were beautiful.  The junior ushers were beautiful.  Nobody spilled anything on themselves or had to go to the bathroom just before it was time to walk down the aisle.  (Betsey and Courtney, who had been watching wedding movies for weeks, had been concerned that they were going to have to help the brides go to the bathroom.  But the dresses were tea length, so it wasn’t necessary.  I told them I would take care of holding back anybody’s hair if she was throwing up.)

Ed ended up taking Kate and Janet down the aisle at the same time.  Kate said she needed someone to grab onto and she was afraid she would knock Janet over.  Ed said he had finger marks dug into both his arms.

 The Peace took fifteen minutes.  By the end of the ceremony, everyone over the age of twenty was crying, except the priest and the brides, who were beaming. 

The reception was beautiful.  The parishioners had outdone themselves with the food.  Everyone brought his or her specialty, so it was a giant potluck.

One of the ladies from Epiphany came up to me and said how lovely the children had looked and did my family have a church home?

“Oh, yes.  We go to Trinity.”

“Oh . . . Well, I’m sure it’s very nice.  I hope your enjoyed our service.  We really go all out.”

Kate saw what was happening and came over.  “Evelyn, you look lovely.  Did you try Dominick’s little quiches?  You know he’ll want your opinion.”

“Oh, of course.  Now don’t be a stranger,” she said to me as she hurried off.

“I was afraid this would happen,” Kate apologized.  “I should have said something to them about sheep stealing.”

I just laughed.  “We just have to keep them away from Cilla.”  I was not ready for “Please, please, please can we go to Grandma Kate’s church?” probably with some doctrinal arguments. 

I had been worrying about my father and Doug.  But I guess their mutual dislike of Janet made a bond.  Since Doug is not a dancer, my father even danced with Missy.

There were two bouquets to throw.  Betsey, Cilla, and Courtney dragged my father up, and he caught Janet’s.   “Yet another grandmother to come,” Karen remarked to me.

“What's one more?,” I said.  “But her daughter can do the wedding.” 

 

Just Before the Big Moment



Dylan escorted Allison and Josh escorted me.  The girls tried to look serious, but they were too excited.

Here come the brides!

 
So no one would think, "Stepped on a turtle/Down came her girdle."  I had this at my wedding for the same reason.

The Brides' Dance

Janet's Choice




This started out as the Mommy Dance, with Ed dancing with Janet and Kate.  Then everyone danced with their children or parents.  Lots of us ended up in the ladies' room fixing our makeup.

Kate picked this. The girls loved it!


What can I say?


What's a wedding without it?


Sunday, October 6, 2013

Barbara Pym Meets Sex and the City

Since the bridesmaids were all under 12, we decided not to have a bachelorette party.  But I decided to have a girls’ night at the house and invited Karen and Nikki.  Ed graciously agreed to take Josh camping.  I should have known how the evening was going to go when the first thing Karen said was, “I got a lavender heart cake.  I was going to get one shaped like a vagina, but then I remembered the girls would be here.”  (Never mind my current and future mothers-in-law.)  “Anyway, I was too embarrassed to order it.”

“This is daring enough,” I said. “The lady at the bakery probably thought you were a Lesbian.”
Karen looked pleased.  Then she looked sheepish.  “Actually, I was going to order one for after the girls went to bed, but the lady asked me if I wanted it with or without coconut.”

“What for?”
“Well, did I want the cake to have a Brazilian or not.  I couldn’t go through with it.  And anyway, I didn’t know.”

Thank goodness she didn’t call Janet to ask.  “Oh . . . Well, what do you want to drink?”
I’d picked up a lot of fancy intellectual, finger food from the deli that all the professors use and Nikki brought cheese and crackers and grapes.  We had four kinds of potato chips for the kids (plain, onion, barbecue, and salt and vinegar) with spinach-vegetable and classic onion dips.  I put out some olives, too.  As my mother always said, “Olives are so festive.”

Karen and Nikki had never met Kate, and they were surprised when she hugged them.  They’d never been to an Episcopal service and experienced The Peace.
By the time we’d sent the girls to bed and opened the third bottle of wine, we had stopped watching our language.  Nikki asked Kate if her collars were plastic or what.  I’d tell you, but I don’t remember.

“So, how did you meet?”
“Well,” Janet said, “I was at a conference about poverty or something and Kate was on a panel on    ‘How do we really feel about the poor and what can we do about it?’  Afterwards, I went up to her and said, ‘When you take your collar off, do you take the stick out, too?’”

“What stick?” I asked. 
“You know,” Nikki whispered in my ear.  “The one up her butt.”

Kate didn’t even blush.  “I said, ‘It depends.’  An hour later we were making out in the ladies’ room.  It was one of those single ones,” she added quickly.
Janet did blush.  “Just kissing.”

“If I remember correctly, there was some tongue.”    That was when we all started squealing.  Betsey and Cilla came down complaining that we were keeping them up.
“Good one,” I said.

So we all had a contest to see who could eat the most salt and vinegar chips without having something to drink.