I may be embarrassed about caring about what other people think, but I’m not going to be embarrassed about being embarrassed.

I can’t count how many times I’ve told the kids that we don’t run our lives according to what people think of us.  This works fine as long as you don’t think anyone might disapprove of you.  Now I’m worrying about what to tell people at church when they ask where Cilla is.

Karen says I should just tell them to bug off, though she didn’t say “bug.”  I said, “I can’t do that; I’m on the Altar Guild!”

Ed suggested I talk to our rector, Father Mike, but I was too embarrassed to tell him that I cared what people thought.

Nikki thinks we should have our own reality show and said, “Why don’t you talk to Kate?”

Kate is Rev. Katherine Parker, rector of Epiphany Episcopal Church (the church across town) and my mother-in-law’s significant other, and if anyone’s had experience dealing with disapproval, she has.  She laughed and said, “Nothing like the smells and bells, is there?”  (Her church is High.)  “But seriously, if someone asks where she is, say, ‘Oh, she’s around somewhere’, which isn’t a lie.”

Then she launched into Priest Mode.  “It’s wonderful that you’re letting her do this.  But I’m concerned about your being upset.  And I’m not sure whether I’m hearing that you don’t think you should let her or that you’re upset about what people think.”

“I’m upset that I care what people think.”

”You certainly seem to understand your feelings.  But you want to know what to do about them.  Does that sound right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, tell yourself there’s nothing wrong with feeling the way you do and mentally tell everyone to bug off.”

Kate didn’t say “bug” either.  I hugged her.  “I’m so glad you’re my . . . you’re Ed’s . . .  whatever.”

After I talked to Kate, I felt better  Nobody asked about Cilla, which was a relief, though I was surprised that nobody noticed that she was missing.